I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Send help, water and tortillas.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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