why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
