My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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