maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
