yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
