I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
