Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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