if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
