hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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