Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
