why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
