Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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