I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
