PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
