so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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