I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize