Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
