After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am naked and annoyed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
