I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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