need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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