Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
