try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
