just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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