He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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