I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
worst night to have a conscience
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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