How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
