I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
