Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
