so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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