Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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