Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
