WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
