he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
