we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
