Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just got carded by a ten year old.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
