Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
