I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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