Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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