then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
