i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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