I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
