Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
