Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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