C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
