How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
