im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
