I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
