Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
