im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
