According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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