eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
