he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
