she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
