if i can run in heels then i can drive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize