"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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