Yo dont text me then not text me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
