Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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