im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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