please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We have started to decorate penises.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
