if you like me you must not know who I am
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
