The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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