I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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