it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
