After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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