It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
