I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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