I wish I could teleport
My liver just broke up with me...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
