answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
