Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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