Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
