i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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